TUNA SISIG

Tuna Sisig

Dear diary. What is love? No, not the song, the feeling. According to an old magician scroll from Essex recently auctioned, If you want to make a woman fall in love with you, make her a nice broth made with pig bones. “Write her name on parchment and throw into the fire on which you cook a broth of herbs mixed with pig bones and share with the lady”. Apparently saying the words ‘ala aymala’ also help in case you want her to strip dance for you in the process. Anyway, as it seems, everyone defines love according to their specific needs and interests at the moment but somehow it always goes back to the food, or as we know " love goes through the stomach". That being said, I thought today of trying something easy and quick to prepare, just for the lonely late hours working people that need some love in their life: Sisig. Normally, sisig is a filipino dish prepared using pig face as ingredient ( yuuuuuk!!) but since that sounds (not) extremely romantic and you wouldn't want your lady to see that "you are what you eat", we shall try the variant that uses tuna as a base. At least she will think there's something fishy... and she might be right! But now let's sweep her away from her feet with your gorgeous 15 minutes tuna sisig dish!

So let's grab our fishing rod and go cut a whole in the ice cause in Canada it's winter time! Oooor, if you aren't the patient type , just get your 4 for 4 dollars tuna cans ( be careful to save all opened remaining content in a container because R said so - and we remember this cause she's always right! no questions asked).
A tuna can a day, keeps the doctor away ! I always say. Actually don't do that cause apparently tuna contains mercury and you wouldn't want to get sick and miss the end of the world.
Alright, get your best pan out and ready, sprinkle it with oil and salt , say your prayers and let the fish go free... In advance, you need chop a large quantity of red onion in err.. relatively small pieces and some green onions also, cause why not. And as a personal touch mix with garlic and that forgotten chilly pepper from when R visited that sits all wrinkly and dehydrated at the bottom of your fridge.
Now that the tuna is well browned, drop all the onion on top and good luck trying to scrap the tuna from the pan cause we only used 1 spoon of oil, as the recipe asks for.

 Once the mixture is scrapped or, depending on your skills, still stuck to the pan, season it with pepper, soy sauce and a bit of magic in shape of some garlic mayo! Mayo is awesome and anyone who thinks otherwise is banned from this website! Now that we made this fact clear, add some more. The more garlic the better the result.

At this point the recipe calls for chicharon ( which again is a filipino snack made out of pork) but since we decided to avoid animal fat today we shall apply my personal color statistic rule! What is that? Easy, according to my calculations ( I'm still yet to crosscheck the data with the UK scientists) there is a chance of 0.01 % that something of a certain color might be exactly the ingredient you are looking for. Therefore, if chicharon is mostly yellowish, by applying the color code rule we test our luck with a can of sweet corn. Hopefully this will be exactly what we were looking for ( worse case we obtain chicha corn, which is another specific filipino snack made with popcorn and garlic! Mix well!
Now for the side dish, just get that frozen cauliflower bag from the freezer and microwave it well ( put garlic mayo on top! ). Also that leftover rice from last night's thai delivery will do well!
Serve with a diet pepsi as a real filipino would.
Good, and there you have it, done! What did I tell you, she is absolutely swept away by the garlic and fish breath. No wonder you are still single. But that's ok, more sisig for you! Sarap!